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By Robin Sauerwein Look around any day and what do you see? News reports the latest murders, disasters, and economic downturns. We read it in the newspapers. We see it on the television. It surrounds us. Too much in one day can make the world a bleak place. It can affect us and our view of the world. Yet, more importantly it can affect our children and grandchildren. Technology has provided us with a better way of life in so many ways adding entertainment and convenience. Yet this same advancement in technology has also created its own set of unique problems. Television and advertising can promote behaviors that are detrimental to our children. Video games, music lyrics, the internet, television and movies influence our children everyday. Kids can easily pick up on the wrong message. Martha Erickson, Ph.D. is the Director, of the Harris Programs (Center for Early Education & Development) and Co-Chair, for the President’s Academic Initiative on Children, Youth & Families at the University of Minnesota. he feels that there aren’t necessarily more negative things happening today than in the past but that the negative things that are happening in the US and around the world are being seen in our living rooms in constant streams. We see horrors hundreds of times. Our perception of the negative and the horrible can cloud our perception of the world. The horror is magnified many times over. Erickson sites as an example the occurrence of stranger abductions. Erickson read statistics showing that the risk of “Stranger Danger” is no higher today (and maybe even lower) than it was in the 1970’s. Yet both parents and kids have this more in their minds than ever. One of Erickson’s colleagues, Richard Louv, who was also doing research for his book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature Deficit Disorder heard from parents that they didn’t let their kids go outside for fear of stranger danger. But that is not the only thing keeping children inside. On average, kids are spending 40 hours a week indoors in front of a screen of some type or another (television, computer, video). Today, kids are more than ever at the mercy of what is coming up on those screens. Unfortunately much of it is very negative, scary, or violent material. Erickson said that this type of exposure can affect children in many different ways. “Kids of all ages can worry and fret over things they see in real life or on TV. This may show up in difficulty sleeping, regression, trouble concentrating, etc,” she said. Parents need to really pay careful attention to children’s behavior patterns. Erickson believes that negative messages are much worst today especially when it comes to the entertainment kids are exposed to on a daily basis. From video games like Grand Theft Auto that promotes violence and music lyrics that encourage rape and drugs, to Internet chat rooms that lure children into contact with sexual predators, parents must keep a vigilant watch over the type and amount of messages kids are exposed to on a daily basis. “Our society is toxic in the ways that we treat children as consumers almost from the day they’re born, setting out intentionally to seduce them to be greedy, materialistic, sexualized at a terribly early age, and hypnotized by the highly addictive electronic entertainment we convince them (and their parents) that they must have.” Erickson said and clarified that although she is not opposed to electronics, “it is no substitute for real human interactions, active exploration of the outdoors, creative play and other things that kids have given up now that they are spending more than 40 hours a week in front of screens.” Pay attention to what the children in your life are experiencing and take the time to ask and listen and help your kids make sense out of what they are seeing and hearing at school, on TV and elsewhere. Adults can play an important role and can be an important buffer for kids who are confronted by very negative things. Caregivers should be firm when it comes down to setting limits on the content and the quantity of the types of things their kids encounter on TV, movies, music, internet and video games. The National Institute on Media and the Family Studies have shown poor media habits undermine building blocks, like self discipline, imagination and respect, needed by children to succeed in school and life. Adults do have a resource available to keep better informed about the media and its effects. The National Institute on Media and the Family is the world’s leading research-based organization on the positive and harmful effects of media on children and youth. The National Institute on Media and the Family is an independent, nonpartisan, nonsectarian, and nonprofit organization that is based on research, education, and advocacy. Its Media Wise® movement is being adopted in communities throughout the country to help families make wiser media choices and encourage parents to “Watch What their Kids Watch.” According to their website, “Whoever tells the stories defines the culture. Storytelling is now left to the mass media. Although some media informs, educates and inspires, others exhibit disrespect, violence and self-hatred to name a few.” They also assert that, “…if we believe that Sesame Street is teaching our four-year olds something then we better believe that Grand Theft Auto Vice City is teaching our fourteen-year olds something.” The Institute provides tips on various topics from video games to the Internet to talking to children about the war. Their mission is to maximize the benefits and minimize the harm of media on the health and development of children and families. They do not advocate censorship but educate families and communities to create better media choices. The 3 Cs Based on research, Erickson offered tips for parents and grandparents to use to help children be more positive and optimistic: “Parents need to start by giving kids a secure foundation. Good attachment beginning in infancy with a parent who is warm, sensitive and responsive. This allows the child to build a solid foundation of trust in other (mom, dad, other close caregivers) AND a trust in his or her own ability to solicit that loving care. They need to model for their children how to reorganize after failure, how to cope with frustration and mistakes. Then, when children face a frustrating or frightening or challenging situation, parents need to play a “coaching” role, using questions and gentle encouragement to help the child cope and problem solve in a positive way,” she advised. There are certain protection factors known as the Three Cs which Erickson has written extensively about that are the critical ingredients for healthy child and youth development. The following is a synopsis of the 3Cs. Connection: #1 protective factor in a child’s life is enduring connections to caring and supportive adults. It is through these connections that provide the context for building lifelong social skills. Even when child reaches adolescence, strong connections to parents and other caring adults remain important. Competence: #2 At every stage of development, a child needs to experience what it mans to handle the challenges of daily life and what it feels like to do something well. Confidence comes in real experiences of accomplishment. But especially in younger children, these experiences happen in the context of relationships with caring, supportive adults. Contribution: #3 – Importance of engaging children in ways that allow them to discover how they can contribute to the well-being of their family and community. Children need to be allowed and supported to identify and use their own unique qualities for the common good. Persistent Negativity If a child exhibits persistent negativity (anger, sadness) or if a child disconnects from peers and isn’t able to enjoy things a kid ought to parents should seek professional help. It may mean he or she may be clinically depressed or have some other emotional or medical problem that needs professional attention. Even children who have been quite positive may go through a time of anxiety and/or depression, sometimes in their teens when hormones are fluctuating and demands of school and social groups can be stressful. Parents and caregivers should always be willing to seek help when things get tough. What Can a Grandparent Do to Help? Erickson affirmed the importance grandparents have as sources of support to often frazzled parents. They are key members of the circle of caring adults that help kids move toward a healthy adulthood. “Even small gestures can feel big to a child,” she said. “Grandparents and grandchildren don’t usually have the tension between them that parents and children do, grandparents often can listen, encourage and problem solve with kids in a way it’s hard for parent to do.” David Walsh, PhD, president of the National Institute on Media and the Family and one of the world’s leading authorities on the impact of media on children’s health and development, said that grandparents can be instrumental in helping their grandchildren grow up to be happy and well adjusted adults. After hearing from parents, Walsh said that grandparents are often the chief offenders when it came to enforcing rules made by parents. “Grandparents understandably want to have their grandkids like them,” Walsh said and added “Grandparents are more apt to be easier on their grandkids then they were on their own kids. It is important to pay attention to what is really good for the kids.” In order for kids to develop the skills necessary in life to be happy they need to develop self-discipline and that is really the key to success. But that can often be difficult in life when kids are influenced by a technology that promises easy, fast and fun. Grandparents should always check with parents on gifts for the children. Parents often want grandparents go easy on birthday presents. Walsh also suggested that when grandchildren are in their care, that they spend time with them in non-media type activities. Consider a hike in the woods or a trip to the playground together. Grandparents can help get kids out doing things. Be involved in your grandchildren’s life – in their real life and not by contributing to their virtual one. Resources University of Minnesota Extension offers a wealth of information for families including articles on how to talk to children about violence and Building Family Strengths: A Toolkit for Families. Children & Nature Network National Institute for Media and the Family provides research, tips and education to help you to help your child make wise media choices. |
Creating Positiveness