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The typical teenage world is a peculiar place, probably just as peculiar as it has always been. Today’s teens, like those who have gone before them, don’t particularly value an independent spirit. Instead, they tend to put a premium on finding the “right” social group to talk with about all things cool, to go with to all the latest movies, to hit the malls with, or to “chill” with at home or at school. The operative word for teenagers is truly “with” as no teen wants to feel alone or apart from the crowd. These dreams and desires are no different for teens who have Asperger’s Syndrome; teens who, at first glance, may not seem all that typical. Symptoms of Asperger’s, a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD) that was first recognized in 1944 by Austrian doctor Hans Asperger, include problems with social skills, difficulty in interacting with others, awkward behavior in social situations, communication challenges, etc. As a result of these symptoms, those with Asperger’s Syndrome often have a hard time making friends. Robin McLeod, Ph.D., the founder and co-owner of Counseling Psychologists of Woodbury, often speaks to local parent groups about teenage issues and frequently includes the subject of teens with Asperger’s. It is a topic that is close to her heart since her oldest son, now a high school freshman, was diagnosed with Asperger’s in 1997. “The way that kids respond to others in their peer group carries so much weight,” says McLeod. “For kids with Asperger’s, negative responses can be very damaging.” While all teens can be hurt by the reactions of others to something they do or say, McLeod says the long-term effects of consistent negative feedback towards someone with Asperger’s can truly be cumulative. “If a kid with Asperger’s has a lot of really bad social experiences at a young age, they will reach a point where they just ‘check out’ and decide it’s not worth it to continue to attempt to interact with others,” she explains. “This behavior can follow them right into adulthood.” The middle school years can be especially rough for a youngster with Asperger’s as it is basically a difficult time for all kids. “It’s the time in life when kids struggle with identity,” McLeod says. “So, the question ‘who am I?’ is most easily answered in their minds by ‘who am I not?’. They attempt to separate themselves from kids who seem different from the other kids – they don’t want to be perceived as being that different.” When McLeod talks to parents or teens that may not be very familiar with the disorder, she compares the way someone with Asperger’s has to operate in the world to trying to communicate using a faulty cell phone. “Imagine if you are on a cell phone with a really bad connection. You’re missing words or misunderstanding words that may be important. Think of the amount of energy it would take to fully understand that conversation,” she explains. “That’s what it’s like.” During a typical school day, a student with Asperger’s has to navigate through different environments, which challenge their struggles with sensory integration. This, in addition to academics, on top of dealing with negative social experiences that he or she might face in the lunchroom or on the bus, can prove to be very difficult. Interestingly, McLeod believes that one of the best ways for teens with Asperger’s to communicate with their peers is through Facebook. “One of the safest places for these kids to be is in front of a computer. They can connect there in ways they can’t when it comes to face to face interaction,” says McLeod, who adds that the number of friends her son has on Facebook is “huge.” A common misperception she believes exists among classmates of a teen with Asperger’s is that he or she doesn’t care about having friends or only wants to have friends with Asperger’s. “Kids with Aperger’s care deeply about having friends,” McLeod says. “My son has had friends in his life who have Asperger’s, but they tend to drive him a little crazy since their personalities can definitely clash.” As a parent, McLeod says she thinks the most important quality other kids can have when it comes to dealing with a classmate with Asperger’s Syndrome is empathy. “If somebody is being mean to that classmate, it would be great for the teen with Asperger’s to know that someone will stand up for him,” she says. “You don’t have to be best buddies with him. Just be nice.” She also believes that kids with Asperger’s have a lot of fun and surprising qualities to offer in a friendship. “Kids with Asperger’s tend to be really interesting people,” McLeod says. “They have a unique take on the world and a unique sense of humor.” “There is a saying in the Asperger’s community that ‘if you’ve met one person with Asperger’s, you’ve met one person,’” she continues. “Differences among people should always be okay.” For more information about Asperger’s Syndrome, Robin McLeod recommends a series of videos produced by Coulter Video. Dan and Julie Coulter founded the company when their son, Drew, was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Drew, a recent college graduate, participated in the making of several videos including those focusing on what kids with Asperger’s wish their peers understood about the disorder. More information is available on their website at www.coultervideo.com.
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Tween/Teen Times