Writing Dos & Don’ts

By Karen Haywood Queen

Writing your child at camp is a must. In fact, you should write your first letter before you even pack the car – that way your camper has a letter waiting while she’s unpacking in her cabin. What you say – and don’t say – in those letters is important too.

What not to write?

Don’t talk about a wonderful vacation or day trip you took with the camper’s siblings – or at least be careful how you do so. Of course, you’re not going to sit home while one child is at camp, but don’t plan the summer’s best family excursions for when your child is away.

“What you don’t want to do is say, ’Gee while you were at camp, we went to Disney World and had a great time,’” says Jeff Solomon, executive director of the National Camp Association. “Any references to activities should be done with sensitivity. You could say, ’We went to the beach today and had a great time. But from your last letter, you were going sailing and water skiing.’”

Don’t even mention the ’H’ word – that would be homesick.

“Don’t say, ’I hope you aren’t feeling homesick’ – don’t give them any ideas,” says Jenny McDevitt, program director of a camp in Virginia. “Don’t say anything along the lines of, ’I bet you really miss your television.’ You just don’t want to say anything that would get them thinking about things they’re missing.”

Don’t say the ’S’ word either – that would be sad.

“You would never want to say, ’I’m so sad you’re gone,” McDevitt says.

Says Dan Hardesty, program director at another camp: “Parents should not say, ’We’re miserable without you. Parents shouldn’t say anything to make the child feel they are struggling without them.”

Don’t write that if camp isn’t going well, you’ll pick up your child early. “You don’t want to encourage that anxiety,” Solomon says.

Don’t tell your child you’ll send his favorite video game, cell phone or iPod to camp or tell him that he can call you whenever he wants.

“Policies at camp would be contrary to that,” Solomon says.

OK then, what to say?

Talk about or ask about what the child is doing.

“You want to be able to assert that they are away at camp and that’s a good thing,” says Edward S. Neukrug, a licensed professional counselor and psychologist and professor former chairman of educational leadership and counseling at Old Dominion University. More important, he’s a former camper and the father of two children. “You can say, ’What a great experience you must be having. I’m so glad you’re able to be with kids you like and able to learn new things and be on your own.”

“Parents can ask questions about what the child is doing at camp,” Hardesty says.

Says McDevitt: “Tell the child, ’I can’t wait to hear all your stores when I come pick you up.”

Convey that even though the rest of the family isn’t physically present, family members are with the child in spirit.

“If you have that love and grounding in your family, you can go out into the world and feel pretty confident about who you are,” Neukrug says. “It’s the whole developmental process – loving and then letting go at the same time.”

Finally, saying ’I love you’ is always OK.

Here’s a sample letter you can customize.

Dear Robin,

We are so proud of you for going to camp this year. We enjoyed meeting your
cabin mates when we dropped you off. We are so glad you can have fun with so
many kids. Your brother is excited that he can go with you next year.
It sounds like you are having a great time learning to water ski and play
tennis. We can’t wait to hear about your other adventures when you get a
chance to write. (Hint. Hint).

We love you,
Mom and Dad

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