Tween/Teen Times
Transition to College Takes Adjustment

By Julie Pfitzinger

If you are a parent who successfully launched a child to college last fall, you know it was hard to say good-bye (harder for you, no doubt) but before long, the “new normal” of family life without your college freshman set in. Cell phone calls and e-mails, maybe even Facebook if you are one of the hip parents, helped you keep in touch and you were probably regaled with enthusiastic tales of dorm living, new friends, and oh, that’s right, classes.

t this time of the year, most college students are either still enjoying a long holiday break or have just recently headed back to school. The majority of those students have likely adjusted to college life and are eager to get back to campus and maybe have even been vocal about the fact that there are “too many rules” at home now. (If you think it was bad during the holidays, wait until summer break….but that’s another topic).

But what if you are concerned that maybe your child hasn’t really made the adjustment to life in college? Are you seeing changes that you weren’t expecting? Was your student less than enthusiastic about returning to school? How can you tell if something is really wrong – and if there is, how can you get them help?

Jeri Rockett, Ph.D., L.P. is the director of personal counseling at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul. She says it is very common for parents to observe changes in their college student, and most of those changes are the result of the student’s search for identity, independence and intimacy – the three “major tasks” young people all undertake as they enter their college years.

“During the first semester of college, students go through a huge period of adjustment,” says Rockett. “They are coming into an environment that is much less structured than the one they have left. They are not used to the amount of free time they have. They are not used to making the number of daily decisions they have to make now.”

The “sorting out process” of balancing academics, social life and other activities at college can be very difficult for some kids. The “honeymoon period” of being certain they have chosen the absolutely right school may begin to wane, says Rockett, and discontent or uncertainty can set in. For that reason, some students might start talking about switching schools in an attempt to find a better fit.

“Ten years ago, it was really unheard of for students to transfer midyear,” she says. “Today’s students, and in some cases their parents, seem to have a lower tolerance for imperfection. If the school is no longer “perfect,” they are going to find the one that is.”

Unless a situation is very serious and a change is definitely warranted, Rockett says parents might want to advise their student to ride it out and at least give the school a year before deciding to transfer.

While “the freshman 15” is common – extra pounds put on due to an abundance of choices in the cafeteria and late night pizzas – if parents observe a marked weight loss in their child or an overzealous approach to exercise, they should talk to their child about their concerns, says Rockett.

One facet of your child’s college experience that effectively encompasses all three of their primary tasks – identity, independence and intimacy – might result in a significant change in their behavior, but they aren’t the only one involved.

“The number one thing we hear about from students who come to the counseling center is relationship issues,” says Rockett. “They might initially be presenting something else, but relationships are always intertwined with whatever else is going on.”

If a daughter attends school away from home, parents might not have met the young man who seems to be consuming her life OR driving her to tears on a regular basis, and Rockett says this can sometimes be hard for parents.

“Not only have you not met him, you don’t know anything about his family. It’s important to offer the same advice and support you would give if you did know him. Open those lines of communication so she can open up and tell you if something is wrong,” Rockett says.

0Although confidentiality rules prohibit college counselors from sharing information about a student with parents, Rockett says counselors are always willing to field questions from parents about issues that are bothering them.
“Over the holiday break, I’ll frequently get calls from parents worried about a child who seems to have withdrawn socially or who has lost weight or seems very unhappy,” she says. “We’re able to talk in general terms and I can also offer them some strategies for understanding the problem.”

Psychological issues have become a primary concern on college campuses and the availability of many resources for students has become part of the landscape, explains Rockett – everything from self-help material on school websites to trained residence hall and public safety staff, faculty and others.

“We not only work closely with all of these people who are regularly in contact with students on campus, but we also discuss mental health topics like depression and alcohol or drug abuse with parents during orientation,” she says. When parents become informed about campus resources, they can help guide their child if they sense he or she might need to talk to someone about a problem.

Sometimes, they just want to talk to you, or rather “dump on you,” says Rockett, and that’s typically not a cause for concern. “Your child simply might need to vent about a test score or a roommate problem to the person who knows them the best,” she says. “It’s a way for them to release stress.”

After a late night phone call like that, Rockett suggests you just check in with your child the next day. “More often than not, they’ll say everything is fine and wonder why you’re worried,” she says.

Someday, they’ll know.

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