Because I Said So

It is a conceit that modern times and modern technology are pulling families apart, and for the most part, I agree with the notion. Many times in the past few years, I have spent time talking to one or another of my kids with me looking over the lip of a computer screen or tried to get their attention while they are doing the same thing. And it used to be, I would wander in while they were watching television and chat a bit, but now they are I’Ming, surfing and emailing to the point where one more bit of multi-tasking really won’t fit in.

The average American home now seems equipped with enough technology to manage a shuttle launch and much of it is so compelling and attractive that we end up walking by each other on the way to our various gadgets. I’m not proud to say that I’ve been working on the back porch before and received an instant message from one of my kids who was inside the house.

Technology only saves time if you allow it to and it is a much more common occurrence for it to become a black hole of good intentions. We may say we are going to turn off the DVR-computer-BlackBerry-iPod in just a minute, be we almost never do.

There is a danger that if we don’t keep up, we can end up staring at our children across a vast digital divide. As parents, it behooves us to know where our kids are in both the physical world and cyperspace to make sure they are safe, and just as importantly, to be able to relate to them.

I share technology and media with my kids and the learning goes both ways. They learn that I don’t rip music for free because as a content creator, I consider it stealing and they in turn have told me about artist-endorsed sites where music is there for the grabbing.

Lately, I feel like technology, rather than alienating us from each other as a family, has started to bring us together. Right now, I am in Los Angeles on a work trip. I will only be out here for a few days, but I left early in the morning and in a big hurry and did not say proper goodbyes, which can leave a lonely feeling on the road. But then Maddie showed up on my G-mail instant message, and I asked her if she wanted to video chat.

In that past, that would have been a problem. Maddie’s a Mac, I’m a PC and never the twain shall meet, but Google has now come up with a simple, easy to use video chat application that operates between platforms. I bought a web cam when the girls went to college a couple of years ago, but it was such a hassle that I gave up. When Google, the unchallenged king of simple, came up with an approach, I dug through the drawers and found it and voilà, it worked.

So Maddie and I were able to spend ten minutes on video, with me getting a good look at her, and as a bonus, her showing me the tricks she picked up in her first drum lesson. There could be no more riveting content for me than the sight of Maddie, pounding on her practice pad.

Erin, and to a lesser extent Meagan, are willing to step up and video chat their old dad. With them away at college, the sight of them sitting in their rooms makes my heart almost burst. Sometimes on the phone, it is hard to break through the clutter, but with the video chatting, all I really need to do is get my eyes on them.

Even Grammy Diane, who shares a computing history with Fred Flinstone, is now in on the video chat gag. Many early evenings, I will hear Maddie talking to someone in her room and I will walk in there and see the smiling face of my mother-in-law. When you think about it, it is a complete marvel, the kind of stuff that used to be confined to science fiction films and now is just a regular part of our daily lives.

There is, of course, no substitute for the real thing. When I take the red-eye back tonight, I will walk into Maddie’s room and lean in to the back of her neck and give her a kiss as she sleeps, taking a deep whiff of her glorious, girly self. So far, they haven’t figured out to deliver that experience virtually.

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