Cultural Connection
Hosting a Foreign Exchange Student Offers Rich Rewards

By Janet Hanafin

“What do you have for breakfast at home?”
“Miso soup, and rice.”
“O.K. . . . Would you like that here?”           
“No. I like Frosted Flakes. The kind with a tiger
on the box. Can you get those here?”

Inviting a student from another country to become part of your family for a few days, a few months, or a whole year, is bound to be an interesting, enriching, and perhaps challenging experience. And for sure you’ll have some surprises, such as a Japanese youngster asking for Frosted Flakes.

Through the connection of our German “son” Arno, who spent seven months with us seventeen years ago, we have made a wonderful international friendship. Both sets of parents have visited each other, have attended the weddings of the two “big sisters” on opposite sides of the Atlantic, and enjoy keeping in touch via e-mail and photos. Our son and three friends visited Arno’s family in Germany a couple of years after he returned home, and he has been back to see us in the U.S. as well.

Several avenues are available for finding a foreign student to share your home. Three organizations that have long and excellent histories of uniting international young people with host families are AFS, Youth for Understanding (YFU), and Rotary International.

Many families find that an ideal time to become a host family is when at least one of their own children is near the age of the visiting student. Having a “brother” or “sister” in the same school can help to ease the way for the foreigner in learning the ropes and making friends. But any family, with or without children, can open their home and heart to someone from abroad.

Begin by contacting your local high school to find out their guidelines on exchange students and what agencies they work with. Step two is filling out an application. Be honest about your household and what you expect from your foreign student and the experience of being a host family. You should expect to furnish references, have a background check, and meet with a representative of the organization.

When you have been selected, you will receive the name of your student and begin finding out about him. Plan to exchange letters, photos, and e-mails frequently until your new family member arrives.

Once your student comes, you should expect to take her to school to register for classes. Don’t be surprised if your new student wants to take driver’s education, even if it is not offered as part of the school curriculum. The process of learning to drive in the US is much less expensive than in nearly all foreign countries, and if she goes home with a US driver’s license, she can be licensed more easily there. Since, except for driver’s education cars, foreign students are not allowed behind the wheel in the US, you don’t have to worry about any white knuckle moments teaching another teen to drive the family car.

Hosting is not expensive. If your student works through a hosting agency, he or she will have adequate medical insurance, spending money, and the necessary travel arrangements. As a host family, you will provide your student with food and his or her own bed. Beyond that, you should plan to treat your foster son or daughter as you treat your own children. Encourage your student to be active in school activities, attend his athletic meets and choir concerts, and go to parent/teacher conferences. Celebrate his birthday as you would your own child’s, and include your student in other family rituals and celebrations.

Be clear about your expectations for your student to share in household chores and observe house rules. This may take some negotiation if your student comes from a part of the world where household help is the norm and she was not expected to keep her room tidy or wash the supper dishes.

Though nearly all foreign exchange students speak English well, you may need to explain local idioms and help with some of the finer points of grammar, particularly on homework.

Betty and Tony Johnson are veteran exchange student hosts, having opened their homes to students from Mexico, Panama, Western Samoa, Norway, Egypt, and Japan. Some of their youngsters came as high school students and stayed for a summer, a semester, or for a whole school year. Others, who were college students, came for holidays and school breaks for four years while they were studying in the United States.

“It was fun just having the privilege to meet these talented students,” Betty said, “Most (young people) in these programs have to be more mature and willing to learn about others, and brave to venture into a new country.” The Johnsons have kept in touch with most of their students, and e-mail and Facebook are handy for maintaining contact. “As we now have known these students many years, we can see they have thrived and are continuing to be successful,” she said.

When Marie Peterson’s brother left for college three years ago, she told her parents, Dave and Ruth, she would like to host an international student to “take all the attention off of her,” said her mother.

The Petersons knew about the AFS program at Como Park High School in St. Paul.  “Each of those students was an enthusiastic person, open to new things and just lots of fun to be around,” Ruth said.

Their AFS student, Maiken, came from a little town in Finnmark, the northernmost area of Norway, and lived with them for eleven months. Living in a big city for a change, Maiken quickly developed a favorite activity – shopping!

“We enjoyed having another person around to learn from. We found out there are many, many cultural differences and different ways to do just about everything, from cooking to studying to money management,” Ruth said. “Maiken was a full member of the family. She helped around the house, had friends over, held to our family rules.  She became very comfortable at school, and behaved like any other teen.”

Maiken had learned fluent English from watching American television, Ruth said, and was able to understand and articulate very complex and subtle ideas. AFS provided a liaison who contacted the Petersons monthly to work through any rough issues. Ruth said their family didn’t use the outside help, but she knew that some families did.

The Petersons were used to both of their own children driving, but since foreign students can’t drive in the U.S., they found themselves providing chauffeur service once again, and that, Ruth said, took some adjusting on their part.

An older church friend asked Mary and Dave Drache if they would be interested in hosting his young relative who wanted to come to America on a foreign exchange program. Though Lars had many relatives in Minnesota, they thought he would enjoy living with a family that had youngsters his own age. 

The Draches and Lars worked through YFU which has been sponsoring exchange programs for more than 50 years. While Lars was in Minnesota, the organization held several gatherings for the 150 YFU students who were living in the area to meet and enjoy local activities such as attending professional sporting events and the Holidazzle Parade or to just get together for social time.

Lars “was like one of our kids,” Mary said. “We gave him household jobs, which he did willingly. It was fun to learn about his life and family in Norway. He was from a small town, so besides being in a different country, he came from a small town to a large city, which he thought was fun.”

His American “brother,” Carl, had a couple of classes with him in school and could explain things when there were occasional language difficulties, Mary said. Carl’s friends welcomed Lars readily into their circle. The Draches enjoyed showing off Minnesota life, including a visit to the farm where Mary grew up.

At Christmastime all the young cousins went to the closest ski hill, which amused Lars since he was used to skiing and snowboarding on real mountains. “He was so good natured, he just enjoyed whatever the kids and cousins did,” Mary said. “He was a regular kid.”

Issues are bound to come up. Like any brothers and sisters, your own kids and your foreign students may not always see eye to eye and tense moments can occur. The Johnsons had to have a couple of serious talks with one of their students about drinking, which is forbidden for foreign students in the U.S. even though many are allowed to use alcohol legally in their own countries. Some students may be homesick from time to time and need a little extra attention. “You need to be extremely flexible, and stay true to your own principles,” Ruth Peterson said.

But the rewards of welcoming an international student into your family are likely to far outweigh any inconveniences, and you can immeasurably enrich the life of your student. One of the young men who had lived with the Johnsons recently wrote, Betty said, thanking them “for being the best experience of my life.”

In the 21st century, when the farthest reaches of the globe are only hours away, and television brings people and their traditions into our living rooms moment by moment, learning to respect and work with different cultures has become an essential skill. Inviting a student from another country into your family circle is a great way to begin the process of understanding cultural differences as well as to appreciate how we are all pretty much the same.

return to top