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By Janet Lunder Hanafin When I was a little kid, Christmas, indeed, most holidays, was “just our family.” The family consisted of my grandparents, my parents, my aunt and uncle, my siblings (four of us at the time) and my four cousins–14 in all. We could pretty much squeeze around Grandma’s dining table, though sometimes the littlest kids were relegated to the “kids table.” My grandmother’s lefse was always a special treat, and for Christmas we all sang carols, Grandpa read the Christmas story from the gospel of Luke, and then we opened presents. We were all together, and it was nice. It never occurred to me, or to any of my assorted siblings and cousins, that my mother, my aunt, and even my grandmother had other traditions they might have cherished, and other family they missed around holiday time. Then we oldest ones started getting married, and having children of our own. “Just our family,” including the add-ons and minus the grandparents and parents who have passed, would have 60 of us gathered around a very big table, and there are still grandchildren who have not yet married or produced children of their own. Even though Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are still on December 24th and 25th, the “holidays” stretch from Thanksgiving until New Year’s Day. Decorations, food and entertainment to make the season special are plentiful during that time. A large and still growing family can find many ways of celebrating together that don’t involve multiple generations cramming into a house that seems smaller every year. As families get bigger and bigger, the time may come for new traditions, or even new holidays. One couple we know celebrated Christmas in July at their lake place this past summer. The family is big but, said the hostess/mother-in-charge, “I cancelled Christmas last year because the weather was awful and I didn’t want my kids or my mother traveling. I just told them we’d have it in the summer, and we did.” The whole crew gathered, some in tents and motor homes, for a weekend of all the fun things people do at a lake, plus Christmas presents and favorite holiday food. Instead of twinkling lights on a decorated tree, they enjoyed fireworks. Where to celebrate with a crowd can be a challenge. Some folks are fortunate enough to have a family member move into a condo or townhouse that has the supreme amenity as far as holidays are concerned–a party room. The facility may be equipped with a kitchen, dishes and utensils, possibly a keyboard or piano, and maybe even an area where the children can play games. Family members can bring traditional dishes, or arrange a catered meal. Those who are ready to really begin a new tradition will order lots and lots of pizzas. When Sue McCloskey’s parents became Florida residents some time ago, they still came “home” for Christmas and the traditional gathering. Over the years, however, spending two weeks facing bone-chilling temperatures, icy sidewalks, and vigorous northern viruses, as well as decorating their Minnesota home, got to seem like work more than fun. Four years ago the family made a change. Now most of the children and grandchildren pack their bathing suits and beach towels and head the Grandma and Grandpa’s sunbelt paradise. To make traveling easier, the grownups decided to forego giving gifts to each other, but Santa still visits the youngest children. They probably won’t do it every year, McCloskey said, but so far an every-other-Christmas arrangement has made most of the family happy. A trip to Wisconsin Dells hasn’t replaced Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations for Chris and Mick Hemenway and their family, but it has become very much part of the tradition. On the weekend just before Christmas the couple, their four children, three spouses and three grandchildren settle in for three days of wet and wild fun at one of the region’s famous indoor water parks. Every other year they add as many members of Mick’s extended family as can make the trip. There are plenty of vigorous activities to keep the children occupied and happy, and the grown-ups enjoy relaxing together. Sharing time and making memories together are central to celebrating for most families. “We don’t really celebrate Christmas in a traditional way,” said Earl Gustafson. “We have a family retreat every Christmas.” For nearly two decades, the Gustafsons and their children and grandchildren have gone to Mt. Olivet Retreat Center near Farmington for a couple of days before or after Christmas. “Meals are provided, so nobody has to cook,” Gustafson said. “We have family gatherings and play games and talk.” Family members can hike or ski, use the pool, sauna and hot tub, or snuggle by the fireplace to read a good book or tell each other stories With a break from school, and possibly a slower work schedule for parents, a family vacation over the holidays may also be an option. An all inclusive resort or even a cruise might not be feasible for an every year tradition, but could be a once in a decade or so adventure. Nobody will have to worry about fixing meals or cleaning up, and most cruise ships and resorts have a huge list of activities that appeal to widespread age groups. If your family is considering a change in traditions, two prerequisites are in order. The first is to come to grips with the idea that the new way of celebrating should take the place of whatever you did before. Taking a trip to some exotic locale the week before Christmas and then hanging onto all the familiar rituals of gathering at Grandma’s a few days later is a sure recipe for making everyone tired and at least a few family members cranky besides. Think of ways to incorporate your favorite customs into a new format. If, for example, your family loves to sing and you decide to celebrate with a huge family Thanksgiving, finish the day off by singing Christmas carols. Hire an accompanist if you need one. If you’ve gone to a tropical resort, gather on the beach with a guitar or get the tech-savvy youngsters in your family to download all the old favorites on an i-Pod and connect it to a speaker system. The second condition is even more crucial. Plan ahead! Finding space for a group to gather and a time when family members can travel if they need to will take some looking and negotiating. Don’t expect everyone to be wildly enthusiastic about making changes at first. Traditions take time to grow and become, well, traditional. On Christmas Day, we’re back to “just our family.” It still spans three generations, but now my husband and I are Grandpa and Grandma, our two children and their spouses are the parents and aunts and uncles, and our three grandchildren think this is the way Christmas has always been. Feeding the Masses Holiday Cream Puffs Cream Puffs 1/4 cup butter In a medium sized bowl add the zest and juice of 3 limes along with sweetened condensed milk. Mix until lime juice and milk have become one. Add Cool Whip and green food coloring. Fold this mixture together until completely mixed. Add 1 Tbsp of filling to the bottom half of the cream puff. Garnish with a small wedge of sliced lime. Apple Crab Salad Mix together all 3 ingredients and season to taste.
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Surviving the BIG Family Holiday